Melodies of Eternity App

[stillsmiling]

Player
Name: Berri
Age: 27
Personal Journal: berriah
Contact: Plurk/Taiyakinonaku
Other In-Game Characters: n/a

Character
Name: Shi Yamato
Age: Appears 12, Lived 15 years
Gender: Male

World History:

This is a world where the concept of "spirits" and "kami" is very real. Spirits are entities that have a soul and energy, but no physical form. They exist alongside the physical world, but they themselves cannot separately interact with physical things. Instead they can possess physical beings and use them as a medium, using that form to touch and feel physical life. In the past, it was theorized that humans themselves were a form of trapped spirit: When humans died, it was believed that they could end up stuck in the physical world like a spirit. It was also believed that spirits inhabited certain plants, animals, and objects. A powerful spirit was called a "kami," or god.

** For the sake of this application, I use the term 'kami' not out of sheer weeb-trashiness, but because it's the term I am more comfortable using in my canon. I'm a bit too religious to call these beings 'gods' without feeling squeamish. So I apologize for that. **

Spirits were once known widely to inhabit the world. In this world's history, the stories of magical beings are usually quite real. The power of a spirit is not, however, entirely up to the spirit itself to decide. Spirits gain power from the faith of physical beings. In other words, they need to be worshiped, or at least recognized, by humans.

The last trick to spirits is what drives a large portion of this story. Spirits usually need to inhabit something that already exists in the physical world. However, that does not always need to be a physical thing. Spirits can also inhabit mysteries. For example, they can become a Spirit that represents the mystery of a plentiful crop. When worshiped, they become the Kami of Agriculture. The more humans believe they really do control whether or not a seasonal crop is plentiful, the more power that Kami will actually have over their domain. Thus, allowing them to build more faith and become powerful.

These relationships were positive for many centuries. Spirits and Kami got a place to live and power from human faith, and those humans reaped benefits of their power. Unfortunately, that positive cycle did not last forever. Eventually, humans developed science and began solving the mystery of the Kami. When they learned agricultural science, for example, they solved the mystery of their Agriculture Kami. When a mystery was solved, the spirit inhabiting the concept would have no where to go. Their power would fade until they were irrelevant again, reducing them to simply being lost spirits with no way to exist.

Sadly, spirits do not have any mystical "spirit realm" to go to. They are stuck in the physical world. So when a spirit loses their way to interact with the world they live in, it is natural that they become sad and upset. Their only homes became the few shrines that still existed in the modern world. Even then, that is only a place for them to rest. The issue of spirits being so powerless they could not even possess an object still existed.

So enter another concept in this world. Though not new to the modern age, this concept gained important when worship faded. This is the concept of "Demi-Gods" or "Spirit Mediums." They were humans whose bodies became shrines to spirits. In exchange for some of their Kami's power, they were tasked with building faith again. They would perform miracles or simply advertise a shrine in order to gather small bits of power for their Kami. Spirit Mediums were usually picked by the Kami or Spirit themselves: Both Kami and Spirits have the ability to make Spirit Mediums. Kami's will typically have stronger Spirit Mediums, due to being strong spirits, while a regular Spirit has little infleunce.

Even then, the idea of Spirit Mediums faded from modern history. Though the modern day still remembers the days of Spirits and Kami from stories, a majority of the population thinks they are just that: Stories. Spirits and Kami are losing their power rapidly. It is quickly becoming clear that they will, quite soon, have no place in the world at all. By the start of the 20th century, very few humans could even see spirits anymore. Now in the 21st century, that percentage of the population is even lower.

It is not a realization that many take lightly.

This means that they will forever be observers. Their lives are meaningless. Though the term "spirit" and the goal of being "Kami" seem supernatural, it is important to recognize that a spirit is just looking to live. Humans are privileged in this world, because they can interact freely with the world.

In this moment, I will drop a secret of this world: There is one last place a spirit can reside. That is in a name. A name given to a spirit out of love can become their shrine. As long as there is someone who knows the name and speaks it, the spirit can be linked to the physical world. However, this 'magic' is not well known. The 'Name Kami' is very secretive because of the value of this power. It itself is a mystery of the world which has not been solved. Fortunately so: If humans came to understand this power, and thus gain the knowledge to use it willingly, it would disappear anyway.

In the 21st century, those who know of and interact with spirits are very few anyway. There aren't many chances for humans to name spirits, because not many humans can see them. Only young children and those with a strong will to believe in spirits can, ironically, see spirits. There are still a select few Kami that exist in the last remaining mysteries, as well as those Kami whose cultish following never died entirely. It is also worth noting that any god or goddess you read of in Greek Mythology class or saw in Anime probably still exists, just as a watered down version of their past self. The presence of Kami-like concepts in movies, books, and television does translate to a small amount of faith.

For the purposes of this world, there are two Kami who reign above the others. They are the concepts of Matter and Anti-Matter. In this world's lore, they are the creators of the world as a whole. The world was born from this pair of star-crossed lovers, who were then torn apart in order for the world to exist. The Kami of Matter is powerful enough to have a human-like form: She favors the form of a woman with long, flowing hair and a gentle smile to match her gentle heart. Her lover, the Kami of Anti-Matter, prefers the form of a young man with long black hair and an enternal scowl. He did not take the separation well, and stories tell of him occasionally throwing tantrums cursing the world for tearing the couple apart.

Below them, there are still powerful mysteries controlled by Kami. Until humans can understand and control these things themselves, they are safely in the control of Kami. These are concepts like Time, Space, Life, and Death. They are considered almost to be children of the 'original' Kami.

Despite being quite powerful, all of the remaining Kami do pick out Spirit Mediums. In recent times, they have come to call them their "Sacred Children." The idea being that Kami see their Spirit Mediums as children to be raised and groomed, potentially to replace them. The reason? Well. The modern age hasn't brought any kindness to Kami.

The last world building block to be sent is the recent idea of "Spirit Hunters." They are humans who know of spirits and want to exterminate them. Every Spirit Hunter has their own reason, but the more prominent is a belief that spirits and Kami simply do not belong in the modern world. They believe that the reason Spirits cannot interact with the physical world is because they should not be there. Spirit Hunters have made it their goal to destroy all the remaining spirits and Kami.

This presents a problem. If a Kami were to be destroyed, then its mystery would now cease to function. If you destroy the Kami of Life before humans can control Life, then no one will ever be born again. The remaining Kami may be powerful, but they recognize that they are not what they once were. So their Spirit Mediums serve a secondary purpose: The power they borrow from their Patron is a back-up. If their Patron were destroyed, they would hold enough power to control the mystery and keep the world stable until a solution is found. Think of Spirit Mediums as a buffer, which prevents the world from just imploding from confusion.

This does mean that Spirit Mediums are targeted more than they ever were. It is a sad reality to modern Spirits and Kami: They carefully pick a Sacred Child, empower and raise them lovingly, and then are generally powerless to prevent their murder. So while it made sense in the past for Spirit Mediums to be very vocal about their powers, they are now encouraged to stay quiet. In fact, some Patrons go as far as never revealing themselves fully to their human child. They simply allow them to live normally, hoping that they are ever necessary...

Personal History:

Marion Wing was born into this modern world of spirits. And he was born as an absolutely normal human being. His parents were a young couple, who were not quite ready for the responsibility of a child. His father eventually walked out on them, leaving his mother with a son that didn't even look like her... Which would be a fact that followed Marion for the rest of his life. He was born with unnatural white hair and haunting cyan blue eyes.

Around the time that Marion was five years old, his world was rocked by a major incident. The Sacred Child of Anti-Matter revealed her existence to the public, starting a period that would later be called "The Spirit Revelation Era." The incident forced society to begin reevaluating the legends of Kami and Spirits in their past, but it did not actually prove the existence of Kami or Spirits. Though sightings and experiences became more common, they were still faced with some degree of skepticism... But in a similar vein, many people were eager to believe in the Supernatural.

One of those people Marion's very own mother. She could not explain the child who looked nothing like her, who deterred dates from turning into long term relationships. When a fortune teller told the woman that her son was not actually her son, Marion's mother clung to the comforting idea. She came to believe that Marion was one of the creatures mentioned in the news and that he was a curse, sent to her to punish her early sins.

So she did what any responsible adult would do... Just kidding. She abandoned her young son by an ocean deity's shrine, and tried to physically escape her supposed demons. All the while, her son turned out to be exceptionally bright. Marion understood every word from the fortune teller and he understood why he was left at the shrine. But despite being smart enough to understand these things, he was still a young child. Since he saw the adults in his life believed he was a curse, Marion came to agree with their assessment. He made no effort to chase after his mother, because he loved her and didn't want her to be cursed anymore.

There was a sliver of fortune in this portion of the tale. The shrine where Marion was abandoned was not abandoned itself. It was tended to by a nearby fishing village, who had revived a faith in the ocean deity that once resided there. On the flipside, it was not a shrine full of happy spirits. The village only believed in the bad luck and curses of the ocean: They blamed the shrine for every bad fishing season, every storm, every sinking ship, and generally any misfortune that befell them. Like Marion's mother, they had clung to a supernatural explanation for their suffering.

When he was found, Marion would not reveal his name. He was given the name Shiro, the Japanese word for white, because of his striking white hair. His unusual and sudden appearance led many of the elders to believe Shiro was some sort of Kami. All of the faith and superstition eventually stuck to Shiro, making him a living shrine for The Ocean's Curse. In other words, Shiro was made a Sacred Child. The Ocean's Curse was the kind of lonely spirit that wanted to see more of the world, and moreso it wanted to change the villager's opinion of its power. Shiro, it hoped, would be a chance to make the villagers love the Ocean Kami again.

Shiro was cared for by the villagers as if he truly was a Kami. This made the children his age distant and the elders fearful of upsetting him. When things in the village went wrong, they blamed Shiro for them. This did hurt the Ocean Kami, who was truly doing their best to bless the village with their bits of power. But the villagers did not credit things like calm seas and lots of fish to a Kami, but to their own skills as fishermen. So the Ocean Kami never managed to change their perception.

Eventually, the village's opinion of Shiro was solely one of fear. They had always been afraid to destroy the shrine built into the cliffside, because they did not know how to 'kill' a building... But a human shrine was another matter entirely. The villagers began to debate whether or not they should straight-up commit murder and solve their "Curse of the Sea" problem once and for all.

The Ocean Kami that used Shiro was mortified by this. When they discovered what was afoot, they left their living shrine and began searching for help. They hoped to find a Spirit Seer in time to rescue Shiro and clear up the misunderstanding.

But they were not fast enough. The Ocean Kami was weaker than they expected. They couldn't even warn Shiro not to trust the villagers. One night, Spirit Hunters came into the village. They found Shiro, brought him back to the physical shrine, and murdered him. At the very least, no one had the heart to disrespect the dead child's body beyond the initial stab in the back.
All of the spirits in the area were 'exorcised' away, except for the Ocean Kami. They had been searching for help and far enough away to avoid the slaughter. When that Kami returned, they found their innocent shrine had been murdered at the young age of ten.

Then, things took a nightmarish turn.

The Ocean Kami was devastated to have led their Sacred Child to die. They cried and threw a tantrum, creating stormy seas that destroy a portion of the village. Their wrath was meant to make the villagers feel bad, but the people continued to only lay blame on outside forces. In particular, they blamed the dead boy Shiro for their recent curse and thought he was the one creating the storms.

Shiro was revived because of this. The curses of the villages were powerful enough to give birth to a new Kami: The Curse Kami, Shiro. Though the blamed boy's body was dead, it was not destroyed. A spirit was able to inhabit the 'curse shrine' and move the corpse like a puppet. Presumably, this spirit was that of the young boy who had died.
Regardless, Shiro was oblivious to the fact he had ever died. He did not even realize that he was now the Curse Kami that the villagers so strongly believed him to be. At the time, he just thought he had miraculously survived the literal stab to the back.

He was reunited with his Ocean Kami patron, if you even want to call it that. Shiro had never directly met the Kami that used him as a shrine. They were ashamed of what they had done and did not want to make Shiro unhappy, so decided not to tell him the full story. Shiro was simply led to believe that he had been saved by the spirits living at that shrine and he was grateful.

During their initial reunion, the Ocean Kami took the form of a young woman. 'She' now wanted to openly care for her former Sacred Child and fill the role of a mother or big sister. It quickly became apparent that their relationship had changed considerably. For one, the Ocean Kami no longer had any sort of physical shrine. She was clinging only to Shiro and knew she needed to let him go: He could not be the shrine for two Kami, and it was more important he now house his own spirit.

The other major difference was her new relationship with Shiro, who was a very strange case. Shiro was a Kami who lived in his own physical body. He still retained that special connection to the physical world that other spirits dream of. This meant that Shiro also had the ability to use that secret naming magic, even if he did not understand what it was.

So when Shiro decided he had to call the Ocean Kami by a proper name, he accidentally created her shrine. He decided that she was so beautiful, kind, and wonderful that she was a real-life "Princess." Or "Prinny," as she preferred to be called. The name "Prinny" became the Ocean Kami's new shrine, even if neither of them realized the significance.

Prinny still loved Shiro as if he was her own child, so insisted that he leave the village and run far away from the ones who hurt him. She thought this meant they would be separated forever. She insisted that she walk with him to safety, expecting that she would eventually meet a boundary and have to leave him. However, the boundary never came. Prinny was able to follow Shiro all of the way to the next town. Because she did not know of name magic, Prinny assumed this meant she still shared Shiro as a shrine. She decided to stay this way until it became harmful to him, and protect him for as long as possible.

The next years of Shiro's life were a strange few. Though his body was dead, Shiro believed he was alive and kept 'living.' He aged, got hungry, got tired, and got hurt like he believed he should. Prinny's spirit form was weak and invisible to normal humans, but she provided companionship and guidance as best she could. Shiro met kids his age and spoke enough of his "big sister Prinny" that they came to believe she was real. Thusly, Prinny eventually gained the power to be seen by others and hold a physical form. After all, even adults were expecting to see Shiro's guardian when they came to his house.

Their house was another strange factor to their new life. It was customary that Kami go to the shrines of any town or land they visited, and politely introduce themselves. Otherwise, they were seen as invaders out to steal faith and often eliminated by the local, established spirits.
Prinny took Shiro to the shrine of Asteria City and taught him to introduce himself. Asteria City did have a fairly active and established Kami: She was called Tina and she used the City's mascot as her shrine. Likewise, she looked like the fictional fairy that Asteria City used in a fifty year old advertising campaign.

Tina's shrine was the tourism bureau. It had a statue of her mascot self outside and was filled with "Tina the Aster Fairy" posters. Tina allowed Shiro to live the attic, which is to say... Suddenly, there was a homeless boy in the attic. Things would have been very different if not for Shiro's use of naming magic. His talk of Tina being a real person who really did live upstairs in the old tourist bureau gave Tina credibly, faith, and the magic to make that a reality.

Pretty soon, little Shiro had two big sisters who were looking after him. For three years, they did have a peaceful life in Asteria City. Tina was strong enough now to give Shiro and Prinny real, legal identities: Shi Yamato and Prinny Harper. The sisters decided to let "Shi" enroll in the local school (more like, they were forced by concerned parents and LAWS to let him go,) and reluctantly admitted that they needed part-time jobs.
But they were all very happy. Despite some grumbling, the Kami were even happy to have the need for real jobs and real money. They were living the dream of any spirit... Which is to say, they finally felt like they were living.

But again... everything came to an unfortunate end for the happy family. Prinny was still the Kami of the Ocean, even when she wasn't seaside. Tina was still the Kami of Aster flowers, even when she worked as a waitess. And Shiro was, still, a Curse Kami.

Shi Yamato still became associated with misfortune. He was still cursed, all of the way from the old village, and radiated bad luck. He cracked mirrors by looking into them, brought rain to field trips, caused accidents, and spread unhappiness. As soon as one person blamed him, his curses began to snowball. Within three years of moving to Asteria City, even the modern cityfolk believed Shi had to be cursed. There was just no other explanation.

Spirit Hunters moved in. He was recognized by some as being the "Shiro" they had tried to kill three years prior, further cementing his Curse Kami legend. This time, Prinny and Tina were both caught in the crossfire. The pair of them insisted Shi leave ahead of them, but never managed to follow after him.

He had never planned to live on his own, nor had he ever known he was a Kami. He initially returned to Asteria to find his sisters, but found the tourism bureau had been burnt to the ground. Tina's statue was shattered and most of the mascot's appearances had been vandalized. Her spirit no doubt had no where to return and had been destroyed. It was hard to ignore that his sisters had likely been murdered.

As the reality sunk in, Shi was noticed by some of the town's residents. Fortunately, it was the kinder ones who found him first. They gave the young Kami money and supplies, then insisted that he run away before he was killed too. They called it the last favor they could perform for Tina and Prinny, who had truly been loved by some residents. When Shi asked how he could repay their generosity, he was given a simple request: "Find a place where you'll smile again."

Shi did not understand the request at first, but he did his best. For a few years, the thirteen year old boy wandered around lost and confused. He wanted to learn more about whatever he was, so followed a trail of libraries. It was a learning experience on many fronts. As he gradually came to understand that he was a living shrine, Shi also met many more spirits. He never came to understand his ability to name spirits and give them shrines, but was always grateful for the company.

He also came to learn his most unfortunate lesson: He was, and always would be, a curse. Time and time again, he encountered as much misfortune as he spread. Those who let the homeless boy into their house would lose everything. Those who treated him kindly became hurt or unhappy. Even Shi himself suffered lose time and time again, whether it was a friend or precious object.

Throughout it all, Shi determined that he would keep smiling. He understood that he was a unique Kami and had what all spirits wanted: A physical life. And Shi intended to make use of it. He also learned that he needed to back off and not cause so much pain and suffering.

Personality:

Shi is one of those idiots who gets hurt a lot, and really only has himself to blame. In fact, if you read Shi's backstory first then you know that he gets a lot. His life has been a rinse and repeat cycle of trusting people, caring about people, and ultimately being hurt for it. So it might help to establish right off the bat that for all of his suffering, this kid is incredibly optimistic. His greatest talent lies in his ability to hand out love like free tissues, though it is also his greatest flaw. Shi has learned lessons from his tragic backstory, but consciously chooses not to apply them. The first impression of Shi is probably going to be of a happy, polite kid who smiles at you and says incredibly stupid and annoying things.

That makes him pretty frustrating, I'll admit. But we're going to do this personality section anyway.

First and foremost, Shi is a happy person by choice. There are a number of factors weighing in to his choice to be happy, too. A major one is the fact that he recognizes he is blessed. Yes, he has suffered a lot of loss... But it has never been the loss of his life. Shi is alive and free to interact with the physical world, making changes and relationships easily. And for the Kami of Shi's world, this in an incredibly big deal. In his world, there exists an entire side of existence who only watch the world. He's aware that his ability to interact with people and define his own life is considered a luxury by Spirits, and he treasures it.

What this translates into often comes off as downright stupidity. Shi regards his entire life as a blessing, including every opportunity and every new relationship. He feels guilty when he shuts doors on chances or refuses a new relationship, because he knows there are probably Spirits around him who envy those opportunities. This leads Shi to make the same mistakes over and over: He can see a choice is logically a risk, but he would rather try to accomplish something than sit on his butt. Spirits are forced not to try, so Shi sees not trying by choice as an insult. Likewise, Shi has been hurt and used many times. He has lost many people he cares about, too. But his ability to form a relation, negative or positive, is enviable. He doesn't want to seem like he is throwing his blessings aside.

This guilt leads to a second factor in his stupid, optimistic ability to touch the stove 999 times: His guilt. Many people that Shi loves have died just so he can continue living. This is not lost on him. Shi knows his life holds or held significant value to people: Enough that they have died for him. Which is a lot of pressure. Shi feels like he is obligated to live happily on their behalf. To anything akin to giving up or throwing away the blessing of a life they have saved, would be the worst thing he could do. So while Shi is choosing to put a smile on his face, despite having many reasons not to, know that it might just be a choice: He might not actually want to smile, but feels it is his duty.

This leads to a whole new bag of worms. Shi has had many people come into his life and care about him, but none of them have ever stayed long enough to nurture him. His list of family members and role models is long, because it has been a revolving door. No one has been with Shi long enough to teach the kid how to grieve, how to fail, how to be angry, how to distinguish evil from good without being paranoid... There are a lot of emotional life lessons that Shi has never learned.

So his mechanisms for dealing with these things are self-taught, by a physically dead kid who feels pressured into smiling. Shi tries to bottle up negative feelings for as long as humanly possible. He will change topics, tell smiling lies, and ignore his negativity. And he's very rarely going to let anyone help him deal it. When he reaches his breaking point, Shi will flee and vent privately. He does not want anyone to see him as being ungrateful to live, and he thinks taking more than a few minutes to deal with sadness equates to him wasting his precious life. It's not healthy, but he's never learned it is the wrong way to handle himself.

The way that Shi is perceived is incredibly important to him. This kid is practically homeless for a large portion of his life, but he won't be caught dead looking it. That's actually part of his problem: He doesn't want to be caught dead. Shi is a Kami piloting his own corpse. His body is dead. There's even a gorey stab wound on his back. Yet Shi does not look like your classic zombie child: I purposefully colour his icons with blush on his cheeks, eyeshadow around his eyes, and sometimes I add frickin eyelashes. No one looks like that rolling out of grave. The kid spends his bits of money on cosmetics and meticulously maintains his make-up, hygeine, fashion, and aesthetic to look lively and healthy.

Shi cares A LOT about how he looks. He cares about how other people look too. He's downright narcissistic. His big sister, Prinny, got her name because she looked like a 'Princess' to Shi. He attached that narcissistic, appearance-based name to her so hard it became a magical shrine. While part of his naming ability is do to him loving the Spirits and their personalities, it shouldn't be ignored that Shi creates shrines that are attractive. The names he picks usually relate to something physical. Looks matter a lot to this kid.

Granted, Shi also grows in an environment where being physically seen is a great gift. Spirits lament the fact that no one can see them. A Spirit that can be seen by humans and have a physical body is considered blessed (and has probably transcended to being a Kami, but ssh.) Shi was also harassed and murdered because of his appearance. His Kami name, Shiro, comes from his deathly white hair. The only reason he hasn't changed his hair colour is because it is an aspect of his mortal life, which is a concern I will cover shortly.

Physical appearances aren't all that matter to Shi. He cares a lot about how people perceive his personality as well. Shi is one of those kids who is constantly seeking for approval. He has always wanted to be someone people like. Even before he as labeled a Curse Kami, before his home village ganged up to murder him, and before he was abandoned by his mother, 'Marion' wanted to be liked. Now moreso than ever, he understands that the way people perceive you is important.
As a Kami, Shi's existence is largely dictated by how humans see him. He is a Curse Kami precisely because so many people have cursed his very existence. He understands that he causes even more trouble when more people label him as a "curse." And that trouble will lead him to losing people, places, and happiness.

So Shi puts a lot of effort into how people perceive him. Before delving into how Shi wants to be seen, I should point out that "wanting to be liked" makes him overly cautious and he usually just comes off as shy. He's watching his every word, every action, and every reaction to get a positive response. When he's not sure how to proceed, he hangs his head and stutters in a quiet, nervous voice. That's not at all how he wants people to see him, but hey. If we all came off how we want to, the world would be weird.

What Shi wants to project is the image of someone confident, polite, happy, and self-reliant. Read his writing samples now and laugh at how far off the mark he actually is. Shi will tell blatant lies to people, thinking he is somehow covering his trail. His lies are meant to throw people off the scent of how lonely, scared, and dependent he actually is. Sometimes, Shi does find himself in a situation where he can project his desired image. When he gets the ball rolling, Shi tries to flower his speech with "fancy" speech. Morelike, he sounds like he read one Shakespeare play and thinks he now fluently speaks ye olden English. When he's got the act going, he smiles politely and behaves like a gentleman. He wants to be like a fairytale knight.

But Shi is not a fairytale knight. The fact he wants it so badly just goes to show how aware of that fact he is. Shi is a Curse Kami. He is a Spirit of a young boy who was tossed to Kami status.... because people hated him too much to let him rest in peace. The very fact he is able to exist and struggle for happiness is linked to how much people hate him. That's a hard fact to live with. It's even harder to live with it while choosing to smile. The way Shi lives with his Curse Kami existence is really a testament to his strong will. Shi probably could be some form of fairytale knight, if he wasn't so caught up on the Curse Kami reality.

Being a Curse Kami scares him. Shi hates it. He may live with it, but he is never happy with it. While he might smile a lot and while he has the potential to be a cute and goofy child, the fact he is a Curse always exists. Shi knows that he can get people killed just by hanging around them. His craving to be liked and in good company contradicts his kind hearted love for everyone around him: He wants to be with people, but he knows that it wrong. So Shi often plays an annoying game of tug-of-war with people when he first meets them. He is simultaneously trying to be a good boy and push them away, for their safety, while trying to give them chances to tug him over, for his sake.

Inevitably, Shi is probably always going to let himself be tugged over. His desire to love others for selfish reasons keeps outweighing any selfless love. He has accepted this, since he is a Curse Kami, and decided that the most he can do is "be careful." He tries very hard not to let his friends get TOO close. Like an emo, edgy anime boy, Shi tries to hold people are arms' length. He would rather not hurt people and prove to them he's a curse... For his sake as much as theirs.

As I close this personality, I will end it with the fact that Shi doesn't like himself. He's trying his best to be happy. He really does want to achieve a happiness that justifies all the lives lost to save his... but he's tired. That revolving door of relationships took its toll on him already, and now he is just standing there letting it slap him in the face. Shi believes too strongly that 'love and happiness' exist, even for Curses.

Because Shi also believes that he's a Curse. He has seen too much proof that this is true. He might deny facts that get in the way of his ability to enjoy his life, but that doesn't mean he thinks highly of himself. This self hatred are also, ironically, what make him such a dangerous Curse. A Kami is defined by humans, and Shi's mortal body-- the shrine his Spirit is attached to-- is still capable of defining Kami. So as long as Shi holds the belief that he is a Curse Kami, that is not going to change.

FORTUNATELY, a few good relationships and some consistency in his life can right that.

Samples: Thread One | Thread Two

Vaikuntha
Moogle Name: Aomi
Moogle Gender: Female

First Job: White Mage
Second Job: Bard